Silly Squid sat coiled on a rock, tentacles drumming impatiently, eyes narrowed in thought. The ocean around him shimmered with dappled light, but his mind was focused on a distant woodland foe. "Think, think! How do I kung fu kick butt out of a chipmunk?" With a dramatic flourish, the squid squirted a thick line of ink, spelling out his taunt in the water: "YOUR MOMMA'S A PUFFIN!"
Momma Pelican, reading the floating ink, squawked indignantly. "Get him, son!" she ordered. Pelican Son dove, slicing through the air like a feathery missile, beak wide and eyes blazing. Landing with a splash, he confronted the cheeky squid.
"Why are you writing such rude remarks in the ocean, you little squid!" the squid spat ink in Pelican Son's face, but the pelican scooped him up into his beak with practiced ease. Inside the beak-pouch, the squid wriggled and mumbled, feeling the pelican’s frustration. "You are a hard barstool, you remind me of a rabbit I once fought," the pelican muttered, muffled.
"Wait! I have a proposal. If you free me and fly me to the woods, I'll get you a rabbit," the squid promised, voice echoing in the pelican’s pouch. Amused, Pelican Son giggled, a little "plop" escaping as he considered the offer. "Deal," he replied, wings beating as he soared toward the trees.
The squid tumbled out of the pelican’s beak, landing with a squelch at the forest’s entrance. "Thanks, Puffin—oops! I mean Pelican. Leave me here," he quipped. Pelican Son winked, then soared back toward the ocean while the squid tripped and stumbled over roots, leaving a trail of inked insults outside every woodland animal’s home.
Confusion blooms as the woodland creatures—skunks, rats, beavers, hawks, raccoons, weasels, beetles, deer, and even a mysterious Big Foot—argue over the insults left on their doorsteps. The squid emerges from the pond, feigning innocence, eyes wide with mock concern. "Who on earth has written all these your momma cusses?" he calls, stirring the crowd into a frenzy.
The animals accuse one another, voices rising in a cacophony. The squid pretends to mediate, slyly guiding their suspicions. "Let’s work it out. If you’re all here, who isn’t?" The woodland animals glance around, realize one is missing, and bellow, "The F-ing Chipmunk! Let’s get the chipmunk!"
The squid shouts, "Hold on! I have traveled the furthest. Let me kick whoop butt out of the chipmunk!" The crowd parts, granting him passage. Inside, Chipmunk stretches, eyes wide as he hears the mob chanting outside.
The squid bellows, "You Chipmunk have inked your momma words all over the woods, and I, squid, have come the furthest, so I am going to kick whoop butt on you!" Chipmunk surveys the scene, undaunted, and taps each animal’s head in turn: "A skunk, a rat, a toad, a beaver, a snake, a hawk, a raccoon, a weasel, a beetle, a fox, a stick insect, a blue tit, and a big foot," naming them all as the crowd murmurs.
The squid limbers up, tentacles poised, while Chipmunk readies his tiny fists. With a mighty kick, the chipmunk launches the epic fight—blow after blow sends ink spraying across the clearing. The animals gasp, their anger forgotten as they watch the ridiculous, inky showdown between the silly squid and the fearless chipmunk.
